Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
