So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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