shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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