Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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