I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize