this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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