I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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