I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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