I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
