i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
