Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
