my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
