i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
