I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
