i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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