Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
