if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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