the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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