8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize