No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
