in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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