i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
