Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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