You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
