he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
It's just like the Real World with babies
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
