you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
