How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
