I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
being pregnant is like rehab
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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