Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
