After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
