If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
