I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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