Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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