Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
