My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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