worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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