i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
