Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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