you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
