Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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