the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize