Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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