Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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