this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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