I'm gonna have a badass scar
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
