i may or may not be watching the land before time
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
