I think im going to throw up on grandma
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize