i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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