i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
