That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize