its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
