Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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