I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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