I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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