JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
