I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
