I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
