you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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