**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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