Sry I called you an 8
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
