i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
