i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
