Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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