:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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