In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
