Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
