I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
