i permit you to call me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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