They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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