So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
