and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
