What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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