nut hugger
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
