she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
