If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
