how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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