If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
