I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
