I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
