I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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