I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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