I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
