I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
