Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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