You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
