but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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