So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
