Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
