The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
