So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
