i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
