i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
