3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
