come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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