Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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