whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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