you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
