she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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