i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
