Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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