Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I skipped work to stalk him.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
