Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
