they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize