I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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