All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
