do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize