I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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