break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
