Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
