so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
